Posts Tagged ‘tv’

The other day, the TV was on the Disney Channel, and I caught the following public service announcement with the characters from Phineas and Ferb about online safety.



Well, it’s a good start to get kids more aware about Internet safety and what you should and shouldn’t post on the Internet. But it falls short in a couple of ways—first off, the examples used aren’t really all that convincing and don’t look like they’ll leave much of an impact on the kids viewing the announcement. They’re light-hearted, and they don’t show any real consequences of failing to understand that what you post on the Internet is (a) public, and (b) difficult to remove. Granted, a lot of the consequences are difficult to convey to the kids (who don’t really think about future employment prospects, for example, and don’t think much about their long-lasting reputations), but the examples still could have been handled in a better way. The “embarrassing” videos weren’t really all that embarrassing, and, even though the giant robot comes by to take the CD, you don’t see what he could do with it. It might be some heavier topics to deal with, but, if you’re trying to emphasize online safety, it shouldn’t just be brushed off as light-hearted humor.

Another huge criticism I had of the announcement was the last part—”Because nothing beats spending time with real friends!” Okay, I do agree that, if you’re cooped up in your room all day watching Youtube videos or doing something solitary, then, yeah, it’s a good idea to go out and spend time with friends.

But if you’re doing something social with online friends? That sparks my rant. I have to emphasize this, because people too often don’t get it: Online friends are real friends.

It’s a topic that’s bugged me for ages. First off, I hate the “online” and “in real life” binary. Because, you know what? Online stuff is a part of real life. What happens online is not divorced from reality; it’s a part of reality. It makes up what’s real to you. So whenever I’m forced to make the distinction, I prefer using the binary “online” vs. “offline”.

That said, my online friends are my real friends. And yes, I do have online friends—a good number of them. And no, I don’t know what some of my online friends look like. One of these friends, who I’ve known for four years and still don’t even know what her hair color or skin color is, helped me through one of my toughest emotional times. She answered one of my calls in the middle of one of her classes and stepped out to talk to me and calm me down when I was basically hysterical. When I was in a really depressed state, alone in my room at night and seriously considering hurting myself in some way, she called the housing department at my school to get someone to drop by and make sure I wasn’t doing anything. If not for her, I don’t even know if I’d be in the happier, healthier state I’m in now, or if I’d even be around.

And I don’t know anything about her other than her name, the sound of her voice, and a vague idea of where she’s going to school. I’m not sure how old she is. I don’t know for certain what race she is. I don’t really know what she does in her spare time. But I know that she cares enough about me to make sure that I didn’t do anything stupid and to support me when I really needed it.

I have another online friend who I’ve known for almost ten years, and I’ve never spent a single minute with her in person. We met online when we were about eleven or twelve or so, and now both of us are about nineteen. For comparison, I only have a couple or few friends from elementary school, about that same age, that I’m still friends with.

Many of my online friends know stuff about me and know about my struggles more deeply and more intimately than I would ever share with any of my offline friends. Many of my offline friends who I’ve known for five years or more don’t even have an idea of what I’ve struggled with and gone through, especially over the last year. But many of my online friends know and have cared enough to support me when I really needed it. It’s often easier for a number of reasons for me to express myself and convey my deeper thoughts and emotions online than orally with offline friends, hence why many of my online friends know stuff about me that my offline friends would never even dream of knowing.

So don’t tell me that my online friends aren’t “real” friends. They are people who have supported me in my creative endeavors throughout the years, many of which I’ve only recently started sharing with my other friends and the general public. They are people with whom I’ve had friendships that have lasted longer than many of my offline friendships. They are people who know my deepest, darkest secrets, thoughts, and fears, and are still by my side without any judgement of me and helping me grow, supporting me when I’m struggling.

They are real.

They are my friends.

They are real friends.

The Internet’s reach is expanding daily. It’s time to stop stigmatizing online friendships. Just because you never met someone offline doesn’t mean that they can’t be a real friend. Furthermore, with the expansion of Facebook, which connects you to your friends who have scattered all across the globe, the line between online friends and offline friends is blurring. Your best friend in elementary school now lives 3,000 miles away from you, and the only communication you now sustain is via Facebook, e-mail, and IM. All interaction between you and that friend offline/in person has ceased.

Is that friend not now an online friend?

You meet friends offline doing activities that interest both of you; you can now meet friends online through online communities centered around activities that interest both of you. You spend time with both doing what you like to do together.

What’s the difference?

I no longer feel a need to hide the fact that some of my friends are people that I’ve met online and only online. I have online friends; I’ve had an online relationship; my current relationship has been sustained via the Internet with brief meetings every few months for almost two years now.

I have online friends, and they are some of the best, real friends I could ever ask for.

The TV has been on almost nonstop lately.  Today, I caught the first episode of Desperate Housewives, which, apparently, is written by the same guy who wrote Golden Girls, which I’ve also come to love after watching a number of episodes.  (And who basically grew up next door to me in Fullerton, California.  Small world.)  Anyway, I… liked it, actually.  A lot.  I definitely saw parts of myself reflected in every one of the lead characters, so it was really easy to identify with them and get sucked into the story and truly care about what was going on with the characters.

And I did like one of the main messages in the episode: that, no matter how perfect a person’s life may seem on the outside, there’s always some kind of struggle, some kind of secret, and some kind of pain that they’re not showing to the outside world.  That’s very much how I feel a lot of the time—I know a number of people on campus, and interactions always seem to be frustratingly shallow.  “How are you?” “Oh, good.  Lots of work and stress.” “Yeah, me too.  Okay, I gotta run to class now; bye!” “Yeah, see you!”  Apparently, the greeting “Hey, how are you?” is meant to be replied to with only “Good; how are you?”  I learned that the hard way when I once replied with, “Not that great; I’ve got lots of things stressing me out—” only to hear “Whoa, I didn’t actually ask for all that; I’m just saying hi.”

“People’s personalities, like buildings, have various façades, some pleasant to view, some not.”

—François de La Rouchefoucauld

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